Insecurities come from the fact that we know or we think we know that other people don’t like some part of us: how we look, how we behave, what we think…
And why is that so important? Why is it that we listen to their voice? Why is it that we listen their opinions, to start with?
Well… here it is: it starts with us knowing one-self and it roots in that growth process.
Whatever your level of understanding yourself might be, even if you are happy or not, you did not get there over night. It did not happen that one morning you woke up and thought: “I’m so happy with who I am!” or “I am not so happy with who I am!”.
That behavior of accepting oneself or not comes as a consequence of what we think about ourselves and how we relate through that with others. We have this need of justifying whether or not we like who we are or not.
We always ask other people on their opinion about things in the day-to-day life.
We ask other people what they think of
products before buying them;
our new clothing;
how we look today whether that is being tired or not;
if we have chocolate stains from that cake we just ate;
about our progress in the work place;
about being able or not to perform well in a certain domain of work, art or…well…you name it!
Every single day we want to get somewhere:
to some shop,
to someone we love,
to someone we don’t love yet,
to some place where we feel joy and support,
to some place where we think we should belong.
And we rely on simple short answers from others to indicate that we are on the right path even when we think we don’t.
It’s as if we are searching for a road-map to where we wish to be.
That place where we want to get is so precious to us that we think we should take every
chance we get so we don’t have to miss the last step that will lead us exactly there. So we do our best to make sure we are well informed. Very well informed…
What we search for is advice or a “how to?” sketch that will bring us exactly where we want to be.
The reality is that most people, when asked for advice they will give you some, just because they think it worked for them, or simply because they see you need
it and want to help. It doesn’t mean that it is what you should do.
Others will give you bitter answers that will stay with you more that you wish they would. They give you bitter answers even thinking that it is the right thing to do. They want to teach you some lesson the hard way. When, in fact, they will turn around when they finished talking with you and forget you ever passed through their life.
I like to say… they will have their coffee in the morning and won’t even remember what they said to you.
They haven’t been there, they don’t care how to get there. They don’t know how to get there.
Only you do!
If in doubt, at least remember that nobody cares more than you how to get where you want to be. Only you know how beautiful it is and only you trust yourself enough to take the trip.